Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
third nipple confirmed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
