My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
