How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
