So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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