I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
