I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
