Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize