Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
