u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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