toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
