and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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