that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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