WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize