My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize