I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize