She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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