Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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