So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
