i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
