we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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