I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
