I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
