Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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