keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
