Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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