yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I still have a little drunk in my system
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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