There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
