why didn't you poke me back
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
