Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
