I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
