So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
