if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
