Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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