I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
