i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
