You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
