You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
