am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
