I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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