Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
