What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
