Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
