Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
