All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
