She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
