oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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