I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
