took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
