You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
