omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
