Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
