You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
