I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
