Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
