Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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