hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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