I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
