Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
