quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
