i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize