i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
