It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
