my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
birth control should be required to get into college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
