he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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