They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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