You just made me feel so damn special
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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