My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
