how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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