If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
