You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
