I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
