I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
