when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So. Much. Porn.
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