I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
