Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She told me I should be a condom model.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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