ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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