my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
