either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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