all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
