you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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