She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
