i may or may not be watching the land before time
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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