my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
