Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
